Letting Go to Find Myself Again

My mom passed in 2017, and I never took the time to truly process what it felt like to sit there, holding her hand, watching her take that final breath. Knowing she was home with the Lord, free from pain, was a celebration of her life on earth. Yet, I didn’t fully understand the impact and lasting effects this moment would have on me over the past seven years. Now, as I step into a new era, it’s time to allow myself to heal and prioritize myself.

“I didn’t have time to grieve—I had a baby to raise.” When I caught myself saying this in October 2023, it shifted everything for me. Throughout 2024, and continuing now, I’ve been letting go of others' expectations and dreams to find myself again.

photo credit: Twenty Oaks Photography

It struck me: I can no longer push my feelings and emotions aside and just keep going. I need to let myself fall apart and trust that I am supported by God in doing so. After feeling a push and calling to step away from my clients and pursue my life’s work, I signed up for A LOT of mentorship to support me in what I thought was a new vision and dream, but in truth, it was more about rediscovering who am truly am.

This new chapter involves taking leaps of faith, letting go of work, and doing things purely for joy—like watercolor painting and sharing my life on my blog and maybe through IG stories. It’s about delivering meals on wheels, volunteering for my sorority as an Advisor, going to church functions, meeting new people in my neighborhood and community, and checking out books from the library to read. It’s sending handwritten cards in the mail and bringing back golden moments from earlier days to spread that magic in the present.

I’m craving real—not curated, not trying to sell me anything—just genuine moments that bring joy.